The Application Process - not really :-)

Hello Sir and hello spouse, I'm really glad to meet you
Please take a seat and rest your feet, as this can take a minute...or two
So you'd like to borrow some money, well I can help with that
We charge a small monthly repayment, and that shirt right off your back
Before we start, here's an application form and I do suggest you read it
Because before I lend you money, you need to prove that you don't need it
The fees and charges I hear you ask , well there's nothing you can see
But here's a hint, there's fine print, at the bottom of page ninety-three
And what about your deposit, you've been saving hard and working late
Oh my, if that's all you've got to show for it, I may have to charge a higher rate

Now let's talk about your assets, and kids, you said that you have three?
I'll just note them in this column, that says liability
And tell me what you earn sir, and now how about your wife
You know the banks are big supporters of people working late in life
And you work full-time and that's just fine, but here's what you need to see
Your wife is paid a casual wage, so I need 12 months history
Now tell me about your credit card, you say you never use it.
Well lets assume you're always on the limit, and inclined to abuse it.
And do you have kind relatives, who could assist with equity
Because the bank would dearly love this loan, to include your family
Last of all, we need a health exam, are you under any stress
I've got my rubber gloves here sir, please cough once, as I do a little test
Well that's all for now and please don't worry you've really done just fine
Your application will be seriously considered, before it is declined.